Read about Mia and their consent work in the LATimes.

My Approach

I trust actors to know themselves. By asking questions they may not have considered, providing detailed information, and helping actors imagine how they’ll feel in and after a scene, I help them find their boundaries. I treat actors like the self-aware professionals they are. My goal is to create a structure and a menu of touch so that actors have the foundation they need to creatively explore. This way they know what is on and off the table, so to speak. Having concrete options to choose from settles their nervous systems so they can feel free to experiment without worrying they’ll be surprised.

I think of it like a writing assignment: if you ask me to write 2,000 words on anything, I will freeze; if you ask me to write 2,000 words on, say, being an Intimacy Coordinator for TV, film, and Theater and how it has affected my personal life, I will be able to get you something really juicy. The restraints give us clear bounds in which we can play.

As a creative, I help the director achieve their vision within the actors’ comfort without neutering the scene. With different angles, shots, and masking techniques, we should never need to sacrifice story. Sometimes it’s a creative challenge, but that’s part of the fun.

Most directors I’ve worked with have been adamant that they want actors to feel safe saying no to them, and they don’t want actors to do anything they’re not comfortable with. It’s not a character flaw in a director that actors may struggle to say no; that’s conditioning that comes from anything from watching Fame as a child, to an acting teacher who told them they’re “a vessel,” to an agent who told them that if they want to be successful they have to do x, y, and z. No is always harder to say than yes. There is a hierarchy on a set and that’s not going away. We see it on the call sheet, in media representations of the industry, we hear it in “above and below the line,” and we learn about it in acting class. My job is to mitigate the effects of those dynamics as best as I can.

I do not assume malicious intent. There is a common misconception that Intimacy Coordinators are present to prevent trauma and assault. I have never encountered this and if and when I do, that will be a very bad day at work. This is a worst case scenario doomscape that begets a hostile energy on a set. It’s based in fear and not conducive to creativity. I am trained, of course, to handle a situation like this, and I know the necessary steps. Having an IC present sets up a culture on a set that makes it clear that safety and comfort is a priority. But assuming that people have bad intentions does not create an environment where people feel safe. In fact, quite the opposite.

One of my beliefs that is sometimes seen as controversial within the Intimacy Coordination field is that we can set up the bounds of a scene with a clear structure and shared vocabulary so that actors can try new things as we go without having to have their choreography or touch planned out to a T before we shoot. You’ve gotten permission to touch your scene partner’s arm on this one line? Great. In the moment, you feel it’s character appropriate to do it again on a line we had not discussed? That’s fine. With an established method of checking in between takes, the safety of the container holds and supports this kind of improvisation. In my experience, actors don’t want to be too much in their heads in these intimate scenes. They appreciate clear boundaries and, because they are trained professionals, they can maintain those boundaries while they try new things.

My hope is to help your production achieve its storytelling goals and vision in a way that respects everyone’s agency. I start with the understanding that everyone already has this agency to begin with so I can nurture an environment that fosters creativity between professional artists.

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